I'm Sorry, Do I Know You?
by Kairikiani
Summary: Most minor characters never get to converse with each other, instead being forced to listen to Naruto's endless rants about being Hokage. But these "strangers" would have pretty interesting conversations, if they were only given the chance.
1. Buzzing

Author's Note: This chapter contains minor spoilers for the Chuunin Exam Arc. Andbefore I get any reviews telling me that Kankuro and Shinodon't count as strangers: Yes,I do realize that Kankuro and Shino fight each other eventually, but this episode happens before their little duel, so there. 

* * *

Buzzing. When he first started working, the sound was small enough to ignore. It was more annoying than distracting, like a hair that got caught in your mouth. But this room was so freaking quiet, the humming was the only thing his ears could focus on. It was like having a hairball lodged in your mouth…ear…whatever, who cared if the metaphor made sense? He wasn't a poet; he was a ninja. Nobody cared if he could speak English well…no, wait, Japanese…zzz…

Kankuro stared at the sign-up sheet. The words walked back and forth in his head, and although he understood what they wanted, against the buzzing they melted into blah, blah, blahs. He skipped ahead to one of the easier sections. _Please state your address and the sector of Konoha in which you currently reside. If you do not live in Konoha, please state the city and country of your allegiances. _

Was this really necessary? Shouldn't they have this kind of information on their records? Seriously, you'd think that one of the most powerful villages in the world would do a little background check before letting any Joe Shmoe waltz in their front gates. Kankuro shook his head. They probably did. If they didn't, then why the hell did Suna wait until that snake guy showed up before pulling this mission off? No, the examiners were probably making the genin fill out these pointless questionnaires just to watch them suffer. The puppet master looked around the room and glared. One of the walls was probably a one-way mirror or something. Kankuro could just see the proctors now, laughing their heads off at him.

He glanced at the only other ninja in the room. The kid hadn't said anything; ever since Kankuro walked through the door all he had done was crank through the forms. It was like he didn't even hear the buzzing. Kankuro blinked. There. Flying around that kid's greasy head was the biggest fly the puppet master had ever seen. Kankuro silently stood from behind the desk and began walking towards the corner. Now that he was looking directly at it, the fly seemed to buzz louder just to spite him. Closer, closer…Suddenly the buzzing stopped.

The kid's hand froze in mid-sentence. His head slowly shifted to the right, and his glasses looked like lens of the surveillance cameras out front, taking in every small detail as a single wing fell from Kankuro's fist. Kankuro paused as he tried and failed to observe any sign language or twitching facial muscles that he could translate as thanks. He coughed. "You're welcome."

"You killed the female." The voice was surprisingly low, but it had a tinny quality to it, as if Kankuro had trapped the fly under a tin can and it somehow learned how to talk. Kankuro opened his hand to make sure. He stared at the blank gunk on his palm.

"That was a girl fly?" How could the kid tell? If Kankuro hadn't seen what the mush was before, he doubted he could have figured out that it used to be a fly, or anything living for that matter.

"She wasn't a fly; she was a kikai bug. My _only _female kikai bug." If possible, the glasses seemed to turn even darker. 

Kankuro looked at his reflection in the glasses. There was no way to see the kid's eyes, so he couldn't be sure, but it almost sounded like the guy was…angry. Angry that Kankuro had been nice enough to do him a favor, for crying out loud. Fly or kikai, that thing had been annoying as hell. Now the squirt was acting like he had wanted it around. Kankuro paused. "Wait…" He turned his outstretched hand so that the other ninja could see the remains. "Are you saying that this thing was your…pet?"

The stranger exhaled sharply, ruffling the front of his collar. "She was not my _pet._ She was my partner, my tool. Thanks to you, I'm going to have to wait a full lunar cycle before she can be replaced," he replied icily.

Kankuro stared at the mush on his hand and snorted. "Hold on, that was your weapon?" He started laughing loudly. "Some weapon! Kid, if you were gonna go out into the chuunin exams with just that, then I think I just did you a big favor."

The ninja sat perfectly still, glaring at Kankuro's hand. Silence. Kankuro forced himself to chuckle more softly. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was your little 'friend'. Happy?"

"Sorry doesn't bring back the dead."

Kankuro grimaced. Yeesh, all he had done was try to be friendly and this kid was criticizing him at every turn. It wasn't his fault the guy was too weak to guard his own stuff properly. "Hey, look, it was a mistake. If you're that upset about it, then next time bring tools that don't die." He wiped his hand off on the desk and sauntered out the door, picking up his pack on the way. He'd come back to finish his paperwork later when the weirdo was gone.

* * *

"Now! Kuroari!" The puppet lurched forward as his opponent stood trapped in the clutches of his other creation, Karasu, only to crash disappointingly a few meters from the target. The ninja used Kankuro's distraction to free himself from the puppet. He launched himself at the scroll at Temari's waist, only to be thrust aside by a tentacle of sand.

Kankuro released his chakra strings. He ran over to Karasu and began checking his surviving creation for maladies. "I-I don't get it. This is the first time that any of my puppets has malfunctioned. What the hell went wrong?"

Temari crouched by the sprawled figure of wood. She pried open a latch on the puppet's side and growled. "I'll tell you what's wrong, you idiot. You need to take care of your tools!" she snapped, tilting the puppet on its side to reveal a swarm of termites devouring the wooden interior.


	2. Spying

Author's Note: I don't really like this one as much, but seeing as I've already written it, I might as well subject it to criticism. Feel free to flame this chapter.

* * *

On one seemingly innocent day in Konoha, for reasons unknown, an innocent ninja was being stalked. Unaware of his pursuers, he walked obliviously down the main street to the localramen standto get, _surprise_, ramen.

_Sneak_

_ Creep creep _

_Sneaksneaksneak_

_ Creepcreepcreepcreep_

"Oof!"

"Ah!"

Just inside the nearest alleyway, a genin kunoichi lay sprawled on top of a small cardboard box. She quickly scrambled to her feet, and stared at the shivering box in front of her.

Suddenly, the top of the box lifted up, and three small children peeked out from underneath. The one in the middle looked up and snapped, "Hey, onee-san! What's the big idea?"

The genin gasped, and bowed deeply. "Gomenasai! Are you hurt?"

The small boy shook his head and scowled."No, but you should still watch where you're going. Now we've lost nii-san." He turned his head and settled into a short pout.

"Nii-san?"

A second boy pushed up his glasses and sniffed loudly. "We were following Naruto nii-san in preparation for our attack. He promised he'd play ninja with us today. We were gonna use the alley for cover," he explained.

The third child, a small girl with bright orange pigtails, looked up at the older girl with questioning eyes. "Why are you on the street this early? Were you planning to ambush nii-san too?

"What? N-no! I would never ambush Naruto-kun!" 

"Then why were you spying on him?"

"I wasn't spying..." the girl argued weakly.

The leader squinted with suspicion and asked, "Then why were you in the alley way?"

The kunoichi looked around nervously. She wished they wouldn't talk so loudly. People were beginning to stare. "I was…I was inspecting! In case enemy ninja were hiding here," she whispered. 

Now all three children were looking at her strangely. "Enemy ninja…hiding in an alleyway? Yeah, sure. How stupid do you think we are?" scoffed the leader.

"Ah, n-no! I don't think you're stupid! I…I…" she trailed off, and began to focus intently on her fingers.

The younger girl looked at the kunoichi with pity. "If you want, you can hide with us under the box. It would be a lot better than spying on him in the open."

The kunoichi's face began to burn, partly because of the unexpected generosity, partly because of the surrealness of the situation, and partly because the boy in question was walking closer and closer within earshot of this very embarrassing conversation. She quickly bowed and sputtered, "No thank you. I just realized: I have a…meeting…with my team. Goodbye." She bowed again, and blended quickly into the shadows.

The three children watched her run down the alley, and then snuck back under the box. "She probably wouldn't have fit anyway. C'mon, nii-chan's headed this way! Let's get him!"

_Sneak sneak sneak._


	3. Bad Work Shift

Ino closed her eyes and felt her fists clench involuntarily

Ino closed her eyes and felt her fists clench involuntarily. A greasy drop of sweat dribbled down her neck as dry panic clawed up her throat. She would not scream. No matter how horrific a sight it was, as a ninja she couldn't let the fear take over. She had to be keep her cool; she had to be professional.

Seriously, a jump suit was scary enough, but spandex? Green spandex? Poor Ino hadn't realized that such a thing existed. But there it was, attached to the unfortunate fish-eyed boy who had just entered her flower shop. The suit just stood there, obliviously blocking the door for other, more manageable customers and tainting her store with its…its spandexish…spandexical…spandexiness.

"Excuse me, miss?"

Ino forced herself to give the customer her friendliest smile. "Yes, may I help you...sir?" she asked painfully through clenched teeth. Always show the customer respect. If you're lucky they'll give you a tip, or in this case, realize they're in the wrong store.

"Yes. My name is Rock Lee, and I was hoping to purchase some flowers."

"Why?" Ino asked the ceiling. Why did the weird ones always come on _her_ shift?

The boy's chest inflated with pride, and he answered, "Well, I was planning to give them to a very special young woman later today."

Ino shook her head to make sure she didn't have any water in her ears. A girl? She looked Lee up and down and blinked a few times. He really didn't seem like the type of guy who could have a girlfriend. But if he was smart enough to get her flowers, he couldn't be too hopeless. Plus, everyone needed a soul mate, even people who wore spandex. "What's the occasion? Birthday? Anniversary?"

"No, there isn't any occasion. I just wanted to let her know how special she is to me," he answered. Ino saw in the intense look in his eyes that he was absolutely serious. A small 'aww' crept into her mouth, but pride made her swallow it before it could escape into open air. Geniunely romantic men like this were so hard to find these days. She suddenly had an overpowering urge to do everything in her power to help this boy.

"Well, _Lee_," she said in as friendly a tone as one could have after a sixty-second acquaintance, "you came to the right place. Let's see, we have orchids, which stand for beauty, sunflowers for devotion, uh… oh! If you really wanted to be romantic, I could get you some-"

"Flowers have meanings?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in innocent confusion.

"Of course! Just tell me what kind of message you want to give and there'll definitely be a flower in here for it!"

"Anything at all?" he asked, his incredulity barely restraining his excitement. Ino nodded reassuringly. She waited eagerly as her customer studied the floor, deep in thought. After a minute Ino wondered if she should offer some suggestions, but she restrained herself, reasoning that Lee was probably scouting out the perfect words for his message.

Lee nodded to no one in particular and renewed eye contact. "Miss, I wish to purchase a flower that says 'My life is meaningless without you, and should you die before me, I will make a voyage to the hill where we first made eye contact and commit seppuku.'" He stared at her with such intensity that his gaze seemed to have its own gravitational field. Sound from the outside world drained into his pupils, replaced by a silence that is very popular among the self-conscious.

Finally Ino managed to rip her eyes from his expectant gaze, and she remembered that she would have to answer at some point in time. "Um…I'm sorry, but we don't have anything that…intense."

Lee blinked, and then his face broke into a goofy grin. "Oh, that's okay! I'll just think up another one. Hmm, let's see, what should I say…" he mused, tapping his chin thoughtfully. Ino just let herself stare. He and his girlfriend must have one heck of a relationship.

"Ooo, ooo, I got one. This will be perfect!" He took a deep breath through his nose, inhaling the air for several seconds longer than necessary. "I know we haven't known each other for a long time but I think you're really pretty and I heard you got teased as a kid and I did too so that means we have something in common and _I _think your forehead is magnificent!" he rattled off in one ridiculously long breath, so that Ino had to take moment to untangle the string of scrunched up words. Luckily Lee also had to pause in order to catch his breath, so the three of four seconds without talking passed by unmissed.

"Um…" Ino began, her mind busy elsewhere. There was a particularly troublesome knot at the beginning of that sentence that she had trouble making sense of. How could Lee be in a serious relationship with a girl that he only just met? Or more to the point, how could Lee be in a relationship at all if he said such weird stuff? "I'm sorry, we don't have any flowers for that either. Try something shorter," she suggested.

Lee's face darkened for a split second, and then lit up again as he thought up a message Ino hoped would fall within the twenty-words-or-less range. "Please give up on Sasuke and go out with me instead, because I could make you much happier," he recited.

A bitter, salty taste sunk into Ino's mouth as she realized that this was not a case of a loving boyfriend buying his sweetheart a gift, but rather some kind of bizarre stalker scenario. Ino suddenly became uncomfortably aware of the fact that she was the only clerk in the building. This shouldn't have been happening; she only worked here part-time. She didn't have the training to deal with these kinds of people. She swallowed nervously, but the rancid taste was stubborn. Ino knew that there were no other, more experienced clerks that she could pawn him off on; she would have to find a way to get the freak out of her store on her own.

"Lee," she began with her patented honey-sweet sales tone, "maybe you should consider- "

"That one doesn't work either?" he cried. "Maybe I should try something simpler, more to the point." Ino nodded enthusiastically. The sooner he could get a flower, the sooner he would leave her shop."

Lee paused, and then gave Ino another one of his intensely creepy stares. "Please lift the restraining order."

The last two words echoed off of the shop walls, and the air became thick and fluid in their wake. A bloated silence floated past them, and Ino felt her head slowly shake back and forth.

"Well then I'm just fresh out of ideas," Lee said. "Oh, I know! You're a sales clerk, you probably know exactly what I should buy!"

"Yes, Lee. I know exactly what you need…it isn't flowers."

"Really? Then what do people in my situation usually purchase?"

"Well, Lee, instead of buying her a present, maybe you should do a…um…romantic gesture," Ino offered. Preferably something that would take place far away from this store.

"Yes, of course!" He gasped. "They do say actions speak louder than words. It stands to reason that they would also be louder than plants," he mused while stroking his chin for no apparent reason. "What do you suggest?"

"Get psychotherapy!" she blurted out. The awkward silence, sensing conflict, swam back around to check on the two teens. Ino honestly hadn't meant to say those words, although from the look on Lee's wide-eyed expression she guessed that he wouldn't believe that excuse. True, she had meant them, but she hadn't meant to say them.

"Psy-cho-ther-a-py," Lee sounded out, his brow creasing in confusion. Ino bit her lip nervously. He wasn't one of those types to get violent when they were angry, was he? Ino really hoped that she hadn't just started a fight; a brawl would definitely get her fired. "What is that?" he asked.

Ino balked. Did he honestly not know what psychotherapy was? She checked his eyes and saw that, as always, Lee was absolutely serious. "Well…it's a…thing…" Ino scrambled for extra time to think up a decent lie. If she played her cards right, he might not realize that she had just insulted him. "A thing where you talk to somebody a couple of times a week and, um, they teach you how to become a better…a better-"

"A better lover?" he interrupted excitedly.

"Yeeessss. A better lover," she echoed. Unbelievable. Not only was he buying her story, he was adding to it! "They'll teach you how to talk more romantically, and…You know what?" Ino turned Lee around to face the window. "Do you see that big tower over there with the red sign above the door?" she asked, pointing over his shoulder at the psychiatric section of the local hospital. He nodded. "Go inside, and ask for Doctor Urahara. Tell her exactly what you told me, and she'll…um…help you lift the restraining order."

"Really? Thank you very much, miss! I'll do that right away!" Lee cried, turning around and bowing multiple times. He was just about to open the door when he stopped. "Oh, I just realized. I just spent all of this time in here, and I failed to purchase a single flower! It would be horribly rude of me to have wasted this much of your time without giving you any business-"

"NO!" she exclaimed. Lee paused and gave her a quizzical look. "I-it's no trouble at all. You don't have to buy anything today. Really."

"Oh? Well, then I'll make sure to visit your store during my lunch breaks as often as possible. I'll buy many flowers in the future, I promise!" he cried, giving her a thumbs-up and a wide, goofy grin. He then swung open the door and dashed out into the street.

Ino trudged to the door, slammed it shut, and turned the shop sign around so that the "Store Closed" side faced the street. Then she locked the door for good measure. After that, she made her way back to the counter and wrote herself a note reminding her to change to the midnight shift as soon as possible.

* * *

So how was it? I wrote the last part late at night, so forgive me if their are any errors; my editing skills aren't very good when I'm tired. It's been so long since I've posted anything that I wanted to put this up as soon as possible.

I ask that any Rock Lee fans show mercy on me. I actually like the Rock Lee and Sakura pairing. This fic wasn't made to bash him, it's just for fun. So if you review (hint hint), please don't flame me because of how I treated Rock Lee. Flame me because my editing skills are horrible, or because my word choice is awkward. I'd rather someone flame me than not comment at all.


	4. Christmas Pageant

Merry…belated Christmas? Actually, I came up with the story a long time ago and just had to write it out, not because it's particularly fascinating or because the lyrics are unique, but because it was stuck in my head and refused to go away. I know there's another "Twelve Days of Christmas" Naruto fic out there. Unfortunately, I can't remember who wrote it, or even if I came up with this idea before or after reading her story. But it's a different version of the song and a different plot, so I don't think I'm stealing anything. Anyway, if I'm going through the trouble to write this, I might as well post it up with all the other Naruto songfics.

Although this fic technically isn't a conversation, it is a one-shot and it does feature two minor characters who don't talk in the anime but have something in common. In this case, the story is (kind of) about Iruka and Hiashi, who have Hinata as a common ground. There. It fits. Now I don't have to post this as a one-shot and come up with a bad summary.

* * *

Ino was having a bad day. A very bad day. Sakura had gotten to sit next to Sasuke-kun during art, her brother had hid her favorite comb and forgotten where he put it, and her parents had grounded her for the weekend for failing tai-jutsu class. Worst yet, she was stuck wasting a Friday night doing this stupid Christmas pageant.

Iruka-sensei had decided to volunteer her class for the last act for the winter festival celebration. The last act! Ino had been forced to sit through five skits, four amateur comedians, and three choirs singing the same boring old Christmas songs. She had a theory that they had all decided to sing the same list of songs in different orders, so that the last choir, which had definitely been the worst, could remember their lines by listening to the singers before them. Of course, the one song the choirs had skipped was "The Twelve Days of Christmas"; _that_ one was saved for her class. She wished that they had been considerate enough to remember her: she was day one, which meant that she had to sing in all twelve parts. And Ino could not for the life of her remember her line.

Ino was sure that Iruka-sensei had planned it like this. He had never liked her very much, probably because she wouldn't pay attention during his lectures. But she couldn't help it if Sasuke was more interesting! Yes, Iruka-sensei definitely held a grudge against her. He had deliberately volunteered her group to go last so that Ino would forget her lines while watching the show from backstage. Then, he had given her the most important spot so that when she messed up, the song would be ruined. Everybody would laugh at her group, and all of her classmates would blame it on her.

Well, screw it. She didn't care. If she messed up, it was Iruka-sensei's fault. After the show, she'd just have to make sure that the blame fell in its proper place. If she messed up, she would not let herself be embarrassed. Instead, she'd make everybody feel sorry for her by letting them all know just how bad her life sucked.

* * *

Iruka was nervous. Very nervous. He hadn't wanted to enter this class into the Christmas pageant, but it was his turn this year to prepare the childrens' act, and oddly enough, Hiashi Hyuuga himself visited him earlier that week to explain how important this tradition was to his clan. He also made it very clear that if his daughter was humiliated by participating in a botched class performance, the blame would fall on the instructor. What Hiashi Hyuuga couldn't possibly understand, what Iruka had failed to explain, was how…special this class was. Iruka couldn't remember one class when no one burned the furniture, got sliced with a kunai, ate their craft supplies, or fell asleep. And Iruka's memory rarely betrayed him. It would be a Christmas miracle if the song was merely "botched".

Worse yet, three of his students had fallen ill at the last minute. He'd searched three hours before he found a team of genin that were both young enough to pass for school age and who had enough free time to attend rehearsal. Iruka reminded himself to buy Gai a drink tomorrow, assuming the show ended well enough for him to show his face around town. As the children trudged on the stage to perform the last song, Iruka spotted little Ino, looking as determined as an eight-year-old possibly can. At least one student would take this pageant seriously. Iruka sat very still while the first child began the song.

_ On the first day of Christmas_

_ My sensei asked me:_

Iruka felt his muscles relax. The kids were all standing still, they were standing in the correct order, and they were being perfectly quiet during Ino's surprisingly sweet singing. Maybe he'd underestimated them. Maybe the Christmas spirit had convinced Fate to leave him alone for a while.

_ Why do-oes yo-our life suck?_

Maybe if he sprinted, he could reach the exit before anyone noticed he was missing. He heard the audience gasp at the sound of such a young girl using such a filthy word. The woman next to him covered her child's ears. Iruka sat back down. There was no point; even if he escaped now, Hiashi Hyuuga would hunt him down the next day.

* * *

No one had told Naruto that the class had changed the song. Not that he remembered the lyrics anyway, but he'd never even heard this version. Not knowing what else to do, he sang the answer to Ino's question.

_ On the second day of Christmas_

_ I answered to he:_

_ I have no family._

Naruto guessed he succeeded in faking it, because without missing a beat, Ino shouted:

_ And that is why my life sucks!_

Iruka cringed. Didn't he count as family? Sure, they weren't blood related, but he made sure Naruto had enough food and kept him out of trouble (sort of). Couldn't he be counted as a semi-big-brother you'd pal around with, or a role-model you'd ask advice from? Or at least a teacher who you'd memorize the pageant song for?

Luckily Naruto had sung something pitiable rather than offensive. A couple of aww's escaped from the audience. Even though many of the adults saw Naruto as nothing more than a demon in ninja's clothing, the thought of a child, even a demon-child, forced to spend Christmas alone was rather depressing.

* * *

The job had been simple. All they'd had to do was memorize three lines each to one of the most popular songs in existence. Heck, Shikamaru had memorized the song when he was only five. But these two idiots hadn't come close to getting their parts right. Shikamaru supposed that if he wanted to save his class from embarrassing itself in front of the village, he could just sing the rest of the song himself. But then again, why should he have to do all the work? Besides, this was the perfect chance to get back at his dad for making him wear this itchy tie.

_Dad's always drunk._

Shikamaru saw his dad cough on whatever he had snuck into the auditorium. The people around him whispered disapprovingly. His mother glared daggers at his father. Oh yeah, this was definitely worth being grounded.

* * *

Behind her back, Hinata's hands squeezed each other for dear life. Father had said that she must not twiddle her fingers. She must not stutter. She must not stare at her shoes. She must be a good representative for the Hyuuga clan.

But how could she be a good girl when everyone else was being bad? She couldn't say her line now, not without making Naruto and the others look bad. But she couldn't make up her lines on the spot either: she had no idea what to say. Hinata squinted her eyes against the too-bright stage lights and saw her father staring at her. She stuttered through her first two lines as slowly as she could to stall for time. The stare turned into a frown.

_ Father…don't disown me._

Unfortunately for the Hyuugas, the audience had such difficulty hearing the small girl that they had no choice but to believe the wrinkled leader of the owl clan in the front, whose head whirled around one hundred and eighty degrees to scowl at the head of the Hyuuga clan behind her. "Did that poor girl just say that you disowned her?" she squawked. Despite his vehement denials, a collective gasp rippled through the crowd, and even the head Hyuuga felt unnerved by the depth of some people's glares.

* * *

For once in his life, Naruto knew something that Sasuke didn't, which frustrated Sasuke to no end. Obviously someone in the class (Kiba perhaps? Or Shikamaru? There was no way Ino could have started this.) had planned some odd kind of prank, and had let everyone except Sasuke in on the joke. But no matter, he'd figured out the pattern: each person simply sang about the saddest part of their lives. Sasuke grinned at his luck. He'd have the best line of all. No way would an Uchiha lose to the idiot, or anyone else for that matter.

_ On the fifth day of Christmas,_

_ I answered to he_

_ Brother killed my clan!_

* * *

Drunkenness and curse words were mature but understandable, orphans and abandonment questionable, but a massacre? As a topic for a Christmas song? It was at that moment that Iruka began mentally drawing up his will. What did he ever do to these students to deserve this treatment? Sure, in some sadistic, twisted way they all probably thought they were being hilarious, but what these kids didn't realize was that their parents would be convinced that Iruka had written these lyrics. Because as every elementary teacher knows, it is never the child's fault.

_I have no friends…__My forehead is huge…__None of my diets work…__I can't do ninjutsu…__My best friend is a dog…_Each stanza hammered Iruka's reputation as a teacher like a chisel into a gravestone. Not one of the children considered following the plan for their teacher's sake, not out of malice or revenge, but for the simple reason that everyone else was making up their lines, so they might as well too so that they don't stick out. However, Iruka knew that his suffering was nowhere near the level of Hiashi Hyuuga's.

After spending months in the classroom with the softspoken girl, Iruka's ears were sensitive enough to guess what she was really saying. But poor Hinata simply couldn't stop stuttering, and each time her pleas were misheard, her father's expression darkened, and her condition grew worse. By the tenth stanza she was pale, panicked, and clearly about to pass out at any given moment, but anyone who would have cared was too busy scolding her father or passing around the petition for legal action that the owl woman had scribbled on a napkin.

* * *

Neji had a plan. Or rather, he was going to steal Hinata's plan, which she had unwittingly unleashed on her father. Hinata's pleas to her father to keep her in the clan enraged the audience. Whether they were angry at the thought of an heiress being so submissive, her father's failure to comfort her, or some grown-up problem that Neji didn't know about, Neji didn't have a clue. But he knew that if people were angry at how Hiashi treated his daughter, they'd be furious once they heard how he treated his nephew.

When Neji's part began, Hiashi stopped trading threats with the owl woman, ignoring her to stare at his nephew. Neji smiled back, and even an outsider would have noticed the color drain from the clan leader's face. Such a monumental role reversal was a near mythical opportunity, and both realized that Neji intended to fly as far with it as he could.

_ Uncle gave me a curse seal._

For the first time during the entire song, no one in the crowd fiddled with their phone, whispered to their neighbor or passed notes. It would have been the perfect audience, except for the fact that the tiny voices rattling out their troubles were no longer the entertainment; now the audience was watching the prelude to the mobbing of a prominent political figure. Hiashi instinctively assumed his best posture as he puzzled through his options. He could not invoke the afore-mentioned seal to punish any traitorous behavior, since the Hyuuga clan's use of such measures was technically public knowledge. And if he confronted the boy afterwards, his nephew was crafty enough to invent an excuse along the lines of "I was trying to make Hinata look good". In his last peaceful moments, Hiashi sharply realized that he had just been check-mated by a nine-year-old.

And then there was blood. To Hiashi's credit, he knocked the first twelve irate PTA members unconscious, but even the leader of the famous Hyuuga clan was no match for three hundred and fourteen trained parents. Unfortunately, none of the parents considered the effect the massacre would have on the impressionable minds of their eight and nine year old children.

The next day, Iruka would have to take on the responsibility of reminding his class that even grown-ups make mistakes, and that if you have three hundred friends who would very much like to skewer your opponent, battle always runs much more efficiently if you wear down an opponent's stamina by facing him one at a time than if you attack him all at once. He would also include a lesson on karma.

But at this moment, as chakra burned and curse words flew, Tenten, entrusted with the last day, found a line that perfectly encompassed the spirit of this year's pageant:

_ On the twelfth day of Christmas_

_ I answered to he:_

_ This pageant ruined Christmas…_

_ Uncle gave me a curse seal,_

_ I have no friends,_

_ My forehead is huge,_

_ None of my diets work,_

_ I can't do ninjutsu,_

_ My best friend is a dog,_

_ Brother killed my clan,_

_ Father don't disown me!_

_ Dad is always drunk,_

_ I have no family,_

_ And that is why my life sucks!_

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Author's Note: In case the lines didn't make it obvious, the order of singers was Ino, Naruto, Shikamaru, Hinata, Sasuke, Kiba, Lee, Chouji, Sakura, Shino, Neji, and Tenten. Originally Tenten's line was "All my friends are emo...", but I figured the other line was better. Also, I apologize to any Hiashi fans. Believe it or not, I didn't start writing this with the intention to have Hiashi beaten up by a mob of angry parents. It just happened that way.

* * *


End file.
